Watered down me

What defines me, is just a distant memory...

Nick must have been my best friend.

I always find myself dumbfounded when such questions are posed to me. Or remarks which I can't quite find a suitable retort to.

"Why do you like football/Arsenal so much?"

"Take a chill pill, it's just football"

"What do you gain if Arsenal had won?"

See, I couldn't just give an answer without looking like an idiot because what I feel, they probably would not understand. What they have come to understand is football... is well football, why complicate things and get all affected by it.

I am really a bad writer, so bear with me.

For the past 12 years or so, I began filling up empty bits of my life with Arsenal. What started out as Anti-ManU support turns out to be a long term love affair. By that time, my brother had pledged his allegiance to Chavski and I was this drifter football fan, any team for the taking, I had tons of Liverpool fans in my extended family but I wanted something to call my own. The Dutch boys over at Highbury, did it for me. I was charmed with the intelligence of one and the tricky speedster of the other. And luck would have it a certain je ne sais quoi (my favourite player EVER!) made his way to Highbury and don the colours of red and white. My support was reaffirmed. I think it is one of my best decisions ever.

As I go along, I occupy myself with arsenal when there is nothing much going in my life. I seek the adrenaline rush of watching football, to balance out the dull life I am leading. I seek whatever that I could not possibly have in real life in football. That last minute goal lost, that unfair penalty, to make up for my rather lacklustre life. For something, that has given me much joy and sorrow in my life, I gave them my support. A passionate one. No less. Arsenal is a loose interpretation of how I see the excitement in life.

And that makes Arsenal part of me. And you guard/protect/love/empathise with those who are part of you, don't you?

I know Pires or Fabregas or whoever would not give a two flying fuck if I was watching them or not, Arsene Wenger would never ever listen to my opinion and best part of it, all this people I am supporting have no friggin' idea of my existence. And I very much know that I am an exploited fan but I enter this fandom with my eyes wide open, so stop trying to wake me up.

After all that is written, I'm sure I still leave my readers not any more convinced but I did not write this to vindicate myself. What the hell. I just need to let some things off my chest. Expect more of such entries.

Moving on to non Arsenal related things, work has been quite fun, enriching and a totally new experience but let's not get carried away, I foresee more challenging stuffs to come soon.

Oops. I think it just did.

My heart just dropped onto the floor.

I could feel all my innards are compacted in my throat...

It's blardey nervewrecking?... 12 days of nerves... woo yeah, hello sleepless nites!

Let's see if I can stay awake for this morning game.