It is time to be frugal.

I have to thank the tiny sensible bit of me, for resisting the temptation from grabbing that dangled carrot.

I have to, I have to, I have to. As recession lies ahead!

Oh, and Happy Belated Birthday, Cesc! ;)

Watered down me

What defines me, is just a distant memory...

Nick must have been my best friend.

I always find myself dumbfounded when such questions are posed to me. Or remarks which I can't quite find a suitable retort to.

"Why do you like football/Arsenal so much?"

"Take a chill pill, it's just football"

"What do you gain if Arsenal had won?"

See, I couldn't just give an answer without looking like an idiot because what I feel, they probably would not understand. What they have come to understand is football... is well football, why complicate things and get all affected by it.

I am really a bad writer, so bear with me.

For the past 12 years or so, I began filling up empty bits of my life with Arsenal. What started out as Anti-ManU support turns out to be a long term love affair. By that time, my brother had pledged his allegiance to Chavski and I was this drifter football fan, any team for the taking, I had tons of Liverpool fans in my extended family but I wanted something to call my own. The Dutch boys over at Highbury, did it for me. I was charmed with the intelligence of one and the tricky speedster of the other. And luck would have it a certain je ne sais quoi (my favourite player EVER!) made his way to Highbury and don the colours of red and white. My support was reaffirmed. I think it is one of my best decisions ever.

As I go along, I occupy myself with arsenal when there is nothing much going in my life. I seek the adrenaline rush of watching football, to balance out the dull life I am leading. I seek whatever that I could not possibly have in real life in football. That last minute goal lost, that unfair penalty, to make up for my rather lacklustre life. For something, that has given me much joy and sorrow in my life, I gave them my support. A passionate one. No less. Arsenal is a loose interpretation of how I see the excitement in life.

And that makes Arsenal part of me. And you guard/protect/love/empathise with those who are part of you, don't you?

I know Pires or Fabregas or whoever would not give a two flying fuck if I was watching them or not, Arsene Wenger would never ever listen to my opinion and best part of it, all this people I am supporting have no friggin' idea of my existence. And I very much know that I am an exploited fan but I enter this fandom with my eyes wide open, so stop trying to wake me up.

After all that is written, I'm sure I still leave my readers not any more convinced but I did not write this to vindicate myself. What the hell. I just need to let some things off my chest. Expect more of such entries.

Moving on to non Arsenal related things, work has been quite fun, enriching and a totally new experience but let's not get carried away, I foresee more challenging stuffs to come soon.

Oops. I think it just did.

My heart just dropped onto the floor.

I could feel all my innards are compacted in my throat...

It's blardey nervewrecking?... 12 days of nerves... woo yeah, hello sleepless nites!

Let's see if I can stay awake for this morning game.

Empty Cocoon.

Talk the talk and walk the walk.

We don't do that, do we?

Gunners, just stop talking to the press about team belief and all that crap.
Just keep on winning. Actions does speaks louder than words, ya know.

I am sad.

I am sad... we DREW* with MILAN today.














*Didn't I tell u that a draw feels like a LOST nowadays? BUT we got cleansheet and we are going to MILAN with a clean slate.

COME ON GUNNERS!

Happy Campy Gooner.

I had a very fun weekend, I was over in KL to watch Arsenal with Kay. And yeah, Arsenal won over ManCity whereas Mancs and Chelski got held up to a draw. Woooo hooooo! Surprisingly, we didnt have any major fangirling session on Cesc but more on Phillipe cos he's too cute to be errandboy. I ate loads of yummy food. OMG! I love KL cos of the endless food choices. Eventho' I was a bit lost at Pudu Raya, I had company of 2 kind ladies from JB who stayed with me while waiting for Kay. Aminah and Shan, (not sure if they will find this) I hope u did well in the scrabble competition and thanks for accompanying timid folks like me. hurr hurr hurr.

The ride home was a a blast. I felt that it was money well spent, cos the onboard bus entertainment system was awesome. I never felt bored in that course of journey cos im browsing thru movies the whole time!

Kay, thks for having me over... next time, I have you over ok. We go visit the Singapore Zoo. hurr hurr hurr...

I have RM100 with me now and absolutely no idea what to do with them, shall save them for the next trip to Msia. We should have gone for a proper dessert at Paddington again before heading back eh..tsk tsk.

I'm excited at the prospect of ARSENAL meeting AC MILAN...

p/s: It's ok if you hate me, just don't hurt my fren, can? No worries, I'll stay out of your way, as far as I can from now on.

The Arsenal and me.

I love Arsenal. I really do.
About everything. Well almost.
They put me in endless agony when they play badly, but I find myself back for more.
And they catapult me to the moon when they switched on their sexy football.
I love Arsenal. I really do.

Stranger in every sense.

My thoughts are on the final approval of the job offer, occupying for the last 24 hours or so.
It is beyond my control and I can only hope for the best. What I have here is an amalgam of relief, fear and self-doubt. Torturous...indeed.

I finally, took a stand, after much prodding and encouragement that my world would not crumble to pieces if I choose to proceed. Much thanks to all those kind words. I really need it.
God knows, how far my self esteem took a plunge in recent months.

That aside, there are more obstacles unfolding. Like keeping BIG FAT SECRETS from a family member, dodging enquiries on the amount of dough I bring home and bearing that incessant goading to become a T-cher but I have to cope with it.

Ok, I could go on further and ended up bursting into tears now. I will STOP here... for now.

p/s: Blardey Arsenal drew. I have come to a point of being a spoilt supporter, a draw feels like a lost. A lost is unspeakable. And a win is a win with much whinging. A satisfactory win is almost unheard of... what a blardey shame, innit?

Trying times.

The floodgates exploded.
Shedding tears would not solved my problem.
I am at a complete loss on how to survive the upcoming days.
My parents are off to their mini getaway and I never felt so helpless.
I don't want them to go.

The Dad fetch me to work this morning, I kissed his hand and told him to enjoy themselves during the holiday, thanking him for the ride. He told me to look after my bro and not to overworked. I was choked with emotions, I badly needed them here. I can't look after my bro, when I can't look after my own well-being.

I have no idea what hit me.
2 hrs and my tears still on free flow. I have compacted my self disappointments for the past year and choose today to reflect on it.

Arsenal drew their latest game. =(

Pray tell me, how to survive December.

An eventful weeks just passed me.
Happy news, bad news, sad news, strange news. Loads to think about.
Emotional fluctuation saps my energy.

With the grim December approaching and mountainful of work to clear before the year end.
Things will not get better, I foresee.

Last minute winners are so sweeeet and emotionally trying.
Injury news are forever plaguing at the back of my mind.

Quit asking me about Xbox360 already!

On a good note,
Yanni and Azmi got engaged last weekend. Alhamdullilah! Congratulations eh! *grins*

Sorry for the incoherent ramblings.

Like Ron, I only have emotional range of a teaspoon. So all these happenings are overwhelming me out of sorts.

Ingggggerrrrland.

They should stop overhyping themselves and do their work quietly.

I wanted them to go through to the finals, maybe crash out later in the semis or group stages to end the tirade on poor Mr. Wenger. With oooh thhe Greeaaaaat Ingerrrrland NOT able to qualify for the Euro finals now. Expect the new ruling of quotas on English players to be expedite. Well, hello to more mediocre English footballers. Can we take Theo out of the equation? cos I wouldn't want that boy to be part of false grandiose...

pfft. Why do I even care laaaah.

Belarussian Fox

Neighbourhood #2 Laika - Arcade Fire

Alexander, our older brother,
set out for a great adventure.
He tore our images out of his pictures,
he scratched our names out of all his letters.

Our mother shoulda just named you Laika!

Come on Alex, you can do it. (<3!)
Come on Alex, there's nothin' to it.
If you want somethin' don't ask for nothin,
if you want nothin' don't ask for somethin'!

Our mother shoulda just named you Laika!
It's for your own good,it's for the neighborhood!
For the neighborhood

Our older brother bit by a Vampire!
For a year we caught his tears in a cup.
And now we're gonna make him drink it.
Come on Alex don't die or dry up!

Our mother shoulda just named you Laika!
It's for your own good,
it's for the neighborhood!

When daddy comes home you always start a fight,
so the neighbors can dance in the police disco lights.
The police disco lights.
Now the neighbors can dance! (x4)

Yes, come on Aleks, start shooting at the blardey goal.

Be on your guard...

and do not let them lull you to premature prophecy.

Media glorifying arsenal prematurely is nauseating.

I've been reading a couple of Mancs' blogs. Good to know, they are as nervous as I am. Especially of the gunners new found grit. Expect a roughouse tactics and MORE ridiculous questionable refereeing decisions. Anyway, COME ON GUNNERS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

We took a peek into their lives, to understand why they are that way.

Cowardice Football.

It's been long aye.

So the acid test *rolls eyes* ended with 1-1 scoreline. We owned them. We blardey owned them.
It was unfortunate that we gave away that goal early on cos the scousers employed 'park the bus in front of goal' tactics. Cowardice football at its best. Totally expected of a top four club?...hahaha top four.. top SIX I mean.

Can someone tell Stevie Gerrard to stop being a fucking twaaaaaaaat?

And what a strike by Cesc, totally fooled Reina... woo hoooo! Brilliant pass from Aleks.
Damn, we didn't get help from Hyppia.

I am incensed that we did not win the game because we were good. Liverpool was pumping balls to nowhere. It's VERY HARD TO ACCEPT LOSING TO A TACTICALLY INFERIOR TEAM. Insulting even. What's with the kicking the ball AWAY whenever Arsenal wins a freekick. For fuck sake, THAT reeks of COWARDICE lor.

I hate it when TNP did all the stoopid polls on who will win the game. After seeing the majority vote for arsenal to win it. Makes me nervous and JINX-fied my team. Nahbey!

Manyoo up next. And stop the polling thingy already!

I could go on and on but I'll stop here.
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We went for our yearly jalan raya with the polymates, altho' there were hiccups prior to the day. It went on smoothly on the day. Enjoyed myself tremendously, drank wayyy to much of carbonated drinks. Thanks Azhar, for planning the jalan raya!

I've understand one of mysteries of life over the weekend. :)

*Sniffles*

I wrote a longish rant/entry about career ending tackles and conscience(less) players only to delete it when I should have 'cut' it elsewhere. Anyway, Le Prof said something about it and I'm pretty glad he did. I wish the FA do something about it. Oh hell I know, this would lead to more biased dubious refereeing decisions. So the onus is on the players themselves to have enough conscience not to end another professional's career. And my arsenal players are not spared too. I very well know that RVP has that streak of petulance dangerous kick now and then.

But to see Hleb getting caught like that. :(

Stoopid ShiteHub after the increment for their sports package are not airing Arsenal vs Steaua Bucharest. *pfft* BOO!

-End of football related stuffs-

Toots and Yanni, that Friday night was a blast! I <3 u guys!

Toots, thanks for the belated bday gift. hahaha. I'm loving it. ;)

I love thee.

Cesc <3!

OkDahBye.

Another win.

I love my GUNNERS.
Cesc is on momentum, a goal a game (well, almost), woooohhoooo! Rosa got himself injured, he was playing well in the derby and this match too. Blardey hamstring. And he was playing so well *wails*
RVP found his scoring touch yet again. Hooray!

I spent the past half an hr talking to an ex-colleague about Moanrinho's sacked saga. The fact that he called me up to actually get my uptake on this, re-affirm my football fan status.
It's good to know, I'm heard. sometimes.

Nura's showcase yesterday was mesmerising. What a talent! And a humble, sweet girl she is!

I'm glad I realised what I want. All thanks to HIM. :)

Buzzing Day.

I'm very bad at handling overly nervy moments and was a wreck prior to the derby.
And at 1-0 down. It had confirmed my worst fears. Suddenly, a draw is not too bad. Chasing a game seems to calm me down a bit, but there is something about this team that a come back was always in the cards. And hey, 1-3 scoreline. Awesome goals to boot! I'm still buzzing with excitement. hah! should end soon, we have Sevilla to entertain midweek and Kanoute is rumored to be in fine form (urgh! Ex-spud).

COME ON YOU GUNNERS.

Cuss Free starts now.

A reply to Kay's entry.

Nasib baik the game is shown after buka... ha ha ha ha. :P
Tak tenteram tidur malam ku kerana perlawanan yg akan berlangsung pada hujung minggu kelak.